Area Artists presents near Perfect Snow Angel
Artist, Jerry Riederer, recently presented his version of a Wisconsin Snow Angel on the Snow Angel Limited (SAL) website where it received a tremendous reception. He had titled the piece “The Dazzling Blue Snow Angel” and put it in contention for this year’s Best of the Best. His initial score was impressive at 9.2 however when it was determined it was executed at the balmy temperature of 8 degrees F, it was downgraded to an 8.8. by little-known, but renowned artist David Wright.
After observing the piece on Assbook, Wright challenged Mick Jagger-like strutting Riederer to a small, but minimally consequential, competition thinking he could better the effort, but with an understanding that he would have to be handicapped due to pre-dirtnap age and still-festering wound he took at Gettysburg. He was graciously granted a 1.2-point handicap and then proceeded to create a piece he called Glaring White Angel (named after his first wife). He stated the piece left him speechless (he speaks two languages, Profanity and broken English). As reported to the press, the likeness damn near put him into another drooling, catatonic fit much like the time he found Our Christ pictured on a heated tortilla.
It was pointed out by one Kernel Peterson, there were some rules in this smack-down that had to be addressed before a final determination could be made for the award, The Great Golden Ding Dong. He emphatically listed the importance of the overall presentation, coupled with edge crispness, dismount disruptions, digital manipulations, single stroke execution, and latent re-entries/penetrations. He also insisted that air temperature as well as wind speed be considered, meaning points would be added directly proportional to decrease in temperature. In other words, a piece created in a warm 8 degrees, as was Riederer’s, be docked accordingly compared to one initiated by Mr. Wright at minus 8. He noted that at minus thirty the maximum points would be administered. Throw in a wind spread of thirty miles per hour and not only would death be an option (but death is a good career move for an artist) additional points would also be added in a directly proportional manner.
Wind might add a certain ephemeral aspect to the work of art, but that is the nature of art, like, say, Jackson Pollack, here one minute and gone the next. In addition to the above factors, it was noted alcohol is allowed if not required. Interestingly, there is an Adult X Division that can include nudity and appropriately placed found objects—nothing profane like is seen on children-available TV. SAL does not condone this category due to previous frivolous lawsuits involving frostbite, thus heinously colored extremities, including naughty bits, however let creativity be your guide. Both Wright and Riederer were not considering this latter option due to previous misfortunes but some individuals in Rosholt were embracing it.
As a result of this exchange, the competition is on. Shown here on the front page are both Riederer’s and Wright’s work. In a brief interview Jerry Riederer stated, “I have put a lot into this, an hour of a discussion with a very encouraging Mr. Jamison, a sincere effort changing into my cool running tights, and a great deal of existential thought. I believe I have here a work close to the ‘Girl with the Pearl Earring.”
Mr. Wright, said, “I have doubts on that claim even though I will admit the 8.8 was deserved. He has administered a great crispness for the 8 degrees, excellent dismount and no latent penetration.”
“Mine”, he stated, “showed a more robust upper section but a weakness in the dismount due to the ball I took Gettysburg.” “My wife noted the head region was rather empty.” Wright felt he was just a touch light headed due to the four Mud Puppy Ales leisurely consumed for breakfast. “It is a good breakfast beer.” Wright noted. In any case, the Wisconsin chapter of SAL will be looking for other applicants during this small chill presently blowing over the area.